It all comes down to this..

In conclusion...

I started blogging about single-motherhood feeling very insecure. After all, what if something I said offended someone, or at worst, got back to my ex?

Well, over the course of the last fourteen weeks, I've learned something very important about myself: I don't really give much of a crud about what they might think, because what I have shared has hopefully been beneficial or informative to the people that my thoughts did matter too. And that is what is really important, right?

I also found that many of the other single moms I followed have the same attitude. Put it all out there, and hopefully help and inspire those who need it the most.

When I started this blogging journey I was still struggling, but I'm in a much better situation now. And the even better news: On July 3rd I'll have a FINAL 8 hour court date that will hash out everything- including the divorce- and come July 4th I'll have a new reason to celebrate Independence Day.

Thank you for helping me along the path, and I'll let you know how it goes.

For now, Supermom is signing out. God Bless.

Autism 101

Parenting is a challenge to anyone who undertakes it, but imagine for a moment trying to care for a child that is often unresponsive, frightened of change, or seems to be trapped in his own little world.  Unfortunately this scenario is very real for a number of parents, and there is a reported divorce rate of more than 80% in families with autistic children, leaving a very real burden on the remaining parent- almost always the mother. I wanted to discuss autism today to bring some awareness to the parenting community. As bad as we think we all have it as a single mom, it can always get worse. We should be grateful that our children are healthy, and educate ourselves regarding autism so we can see warning signs, and perhaps help ease the burden on others. 

After hearing that my son might potentially be diagnosed with mild Aspergers, I took it on myself to do a large amount of research into the disease, and I’m going to share it with you here.

In modern times approximately one to three in one thousand children born will have autism, and one in every one hundred ten children will be affected by an autism spectrum disorder. 

Autism is a neurological disorder that appears during the first few years of life.  Symptoms may begin as early as six months and are fairly evident by age three.  Autism is most commonly recognized for its impact on an individual’s social and communication skills, but a child with autism can display a wide variety of symptoms.  There is not one specific symptom that leads to diagnosis.  The symptoms are caused by the misrouting of information through the synapses of the brain.  Because the effects of the disease on an individual vary greatly, autism is called a “spectrum disease.” 

Autism is classified as one of three autism spectrum disorders or ASDs.  The second ASD is Asperger Syndrome.  It is a more mild form of autism that has more of an impact on a child’s social skills than it does on a child’s intellectual development.  The third ASD is Pervasive Development Disorder, or atypical autism, which is an autistic disorder that does not fit into the other categories.

The symptoms of autism vary between individuals, but the most common symptoms fall into three categories:  communication, social, and repetitive behaviors. Examples of communication symptoms include delayed speech, pointing instead of talking or asking, and lack of eye contact.  Socially, children with the disease have trouble holding a conversation, sharing their emotions, or understanding others.  As a result, autistic children often prefer to play alone.  Repetitive behaviors include being unwilling or unable to make changes in daily routines, eating foods of certain shapes or textures, doing the same activity over and over, using the same words, or even repetitive self-injury.

There are tools such as the Modified Checklist for Autism in Toddlers (M-CHAT) that medical professionals use to screen for the disease.  Screening for autism is a very lengthy process that includes a number of medical specialists.  First, they gather information about the child’s behavior and development, by observing the child and asking the parents to complete a questionnaire.  After the screening, the physician will either rule out the possibility of ASD or require a team of healthcare professionals to perform additional comprehensive testing.  The team includes but is not limited to a psychologist, a neurologist, and a speech therapist.  The team performs in-depth cognitive and language testing and completes a full neurological assessment of the child.  After the thorough evaluation, the team can make a proper diagnosis.

Currently, there is no cure for autism, but there are ways to treat the symptoms.  Studies show children who are diagnosed early and undergo treatment often have lesser impact from the disease than untreated individuals.  The treatments may consist of a combination of family and behavioral counseling, and medications for anxiety and to aid digestion. 

Unfortunately, autism does not improve with age, and most individuals with more severe forms of the disorder will need care for the duration of their life.  Foundations such as Autism Speaks and the Autism Research Institute continue to work toward a cure and provide assistance to affected families.  Everyone can help the foundations’ efforts by increasing their knowledge about the disorder, making monetary donations or by becoming involved in local service efforts.  Perhaps one day we will find a cure but until then treatment is a community effort.

American Psychiatric Association.  Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.  4th, text revision  (ed.  2000)

Levy SE, Mandell DS, Schultz RT.  Autism.  Lancet.  2009

Office of Communications and Public Liason, Ninds.  (2009, September).  Autism Fact Sheet.  Retrieved April 9, 2011, from National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke: http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/autism/detail_autism.htm

Attack of the Orange Spit? DVDs fight back.

Orange spit. Yuck.

That's what my 3 year old called it when my 2 year old daughter began throwing up her snack of Cheez-It's all over my (of course- white) rug.

Twelve hours and a fever of 103 later, I made the decision to bring her to the ER. She couldn't keep down any fluids, and she was going downhill fast. From the symptoms, I knew it was likely something gastrointestinal, such as the flu, and she was so little and pitiful.

I hate to say it, but I'm sort of an expert on last minute runs to the ER. My son has a short trachea, and any time he gets a cold it turns quickly into croup. When he was one he had a bout so severe that he was transferred to Children's Hospital for a week long stay. Now, I take no chances with him, and I have a stocked 'ER' bag ready to grab and go.

So, while sitting in the ER waiting room with a vomiting toddler, I quickly became the center of attention to other impatient moms when I opened my ER bag, pulled out the portable DVD player, and was able to get my miserable daughter engrossed in an episode of Sesame Street. I had plastic grocery bags in there as well, ready for the next upchuck. (Although, the hospital will provide something similar if you want it.)

A number of other moms brought their little ones over, only to groan when my daughter and I were called into the back, the DVD player with us.

The nurse was impressed too. "I bet they all wished they had thought of that."

I'm not tooting a horn. Trust me, I wish I had NOT learned from experience. But maybe mine will help you. Here are the contents of my ER bag.

-Portable DVD Player + DVDs in a carry case
-Plastic Bags
-Wipes/Diapers
-Copy of Insurance Card
-Kids change of clothing, Change of PJ's
-Contact Solution and Case (For Mom)
-Sippy Cup- (Hospitals never have these)
-Fluffly Blanky
-Pillow Pal (Hospitals never have enough pillows)
-Deodorant and Toothbrush
-2 Bottles of Water and Peanut Butter crackers (for mom)
-A $20 Bill- If you have to stay for a night or two, it may be some time before you can get
 to an ATM
-List of important phone numbers- in case you manage to forget your cell in the rush out of the house
-And for those single moms- always keep a copy of your custody papers in the bag, in case the ex shows up and wants to challenge your decisions.

Final Paper Resources

I've found four different single-mom related blogs that are possibilities for my final paper. Although they all are centered around the same topic, they each have a unique style and focus.

http://www.singlemotherontheverge.blogspot.com/ Single Mom on the Verge - A single mother raising a teenage son facing the every day trials of life with a teenager. She has a very down to earth style, but her blog is riddled with humor.

http://pepperrific.com/ The Pepperific Life- Like me, this mother has young ones. Although I don't like the format of the blog (it's hard on the eyes), the author seems to struggle with a lot of the same issues that I do, while managing to look on the bright side.

http://thissinglemomsurvives.blogspot.com/ This is where I always go when I feel down and need a pick-me up. This woman has some serious femme-balls. She tells it like it is and holds no punches, and I bet she even hits like a boy. :)

http://twochicksandahen.blogspot.com/ Two Chicks and a Hen - A great site by a single mother of two toddlers. Instead of focusing on the deeper issues of single parenting she keeps it simple, giving advice to other moms on practical things like art projects and day to day savings. I find myself being very jealous of her creativity, and often go there on rainy days for some great ideas.

To Prep or Not To Prep?

That is the question!

Okay, so I have to admit that I'm equally enthralled and disgusted by the new show Doomsday Preppers. If you haven't seen it, it's basically a documentary done about people who are preparing (prepping) for disasters. All of the individuals in the show have different opinions of how it will happen, but they all seem to believe that some major catastrophe will occur in their lifetime. To be ready for it, they are preparing everything from huge food stores to underground bunkers equipped with all the major moder amenities.

While my first instinct was to roll my eyes, a second thought occurred to me: I am a mom, and isn't it my job to be prepared for anything on behalf of my children? And since it's just me, as a single mom, shouldn't I be more prepared then most?

First, I promised I wouldn't let this whole 2012 doomsday prediction thing get to me. I did a lot of research, and was able to pretty much rule it out.  If you still have doubts or concerns, check out these videos.

I was talking with my father about all of this, and he mentioned something else that's not part of the video. They Mayan calender does not include leap years. So, if you add up all the leap days that have passed since then, we're actually already beyond the date the Mayans predicted as the end of the world.

Okay, now here is where I get a little grim. Although I don't believe in the 2012 theory, or much of what is shown on Doomsday Preppers, watching the show and doing research has made me realize that I am woefully unprepared for an emergency. And, truthfully, one can happen any time. It might not be the end of the world, but the kids and I could get snowed in for a week, a hurricane could knock out the East Coast commerce system, etc.

So what is the answer? I'm currently working on building a food and water storage supply, enough for 3 months, for five people. (Kids, myself, and my parents.) I've purchased an emergency hand crank radio, and for my birthday I asked for useful items like a first aid kit and a Swiss army knife.

I may never need them, but at least I can go to sleep at night knowing that I am much better prepared for an emergency now, and pat myself on the shoulder for taking one more step in the direction of Super Mom.

Is it easier being a single mother?

Recently Jessica Olien, author of a piece titled "I Want To Be My Child's Only Parent," was interviewed on NPR by host John Donovan. Her story caused quite a buzz when it ran in an issue of Slate magazine, because she takes the idea of single parenting to an extreme by stating that she wants to have a child without a man in the picture at all because she believes it will be easier.

She herself was raised by a single mother, who in turn was raised by her single mother. Given her role models, it's easy to see why she is uncomfortable with the idea of having a husband around.

Many of the women who call in to comment during the interview talk about how being a single mom, or in one case, a single child, actually gives them a greater sense of having an extended family. The reason for this is that the single mothers had to depend more on friends and family, and because of that they established closer bonds with those people which might have not developed had a husband been in the picture.

While I myself do not agree at all that it is easier to be a single mom- and I think that the dad should be in the picture if he is loyal and capable- I can see Olien's point of view. So many marriages end in messy divorces- wouldn't it just be easier to cut the man out of the picture and never have to worry about his influence on the child?

Food for thought.

You really can't go it alone.

When I first left my husband I took my kids and moved back in with my parents. My goodness, that was a mess, but we managed to get through it. Truth be told, I needed them in that transition period. For two years, I'd been a mother who did everything for my children- my ex worked 14 hours days and when he was home he disappeared into the basement to play on his computer.

I was exhausted, and I thought that was how life was supposed to be for all mothers. I thought that I was somehow supposed to magically do it all on my own.

Living with my parents for the first few months changed that view. With their support, I was finally able to get some sleep, enroll in college, and have just enough 'me' time to get out and meet some other women. Now- yes- their relationship with me was a very different dynamic then that of a marriage, but it made me realize that anyone who truly cared about my children would want to spend time with them; and it also made me realize that I couldn't go it alone.

When my parents moved, I stayed in their house and am now renting it. I found a wonderful lady who is a grandmother herself to rent a room on the lower floor of the home. Not only does it provide me with the ability to pay the mortgage, but she's also become very close to the children. I know that if I have a middle of the night emergency she will be there to watch the kids. I also worry less about security having another adult in the home.

In addition, I've been blessed with a wonderful support group of women from my church. They are all married, but they respect me as a single mother instead of putting me down for it. Most of them have children slightly older than mine, but that hasn't stopped them from arranging play dates with me, and they have always been there when I couldn't find help elsewhere.

Unfortunately, I'm not the type who makes friends easily. I'm outgoing and have no trouble talking to someone for the first time, but I always feel uncomfortable with following up.

This is once again a time where I had to just suck it up and step up. My children are little; and thus not yet in school. They need other kids to play with that are their age, and they are not going to just magically appear.

I decided that I needed to be bold, so every time I have a nice conversation with a mother at the park who has children in a similar age range I  offer her my number. In a way, it sort of feels like dating. Since you can never be sure if a person really likes you, so it's easier to just give your number and wait for them to call.

Fortunately, a number of them have. I've been able to do numerous play dates, and while the kids are having fun, I'm establishing a relationship with a mother that will hopefully call on me in a trouble situation, and vice versa. (It helps that I'm a nursing student- what mom doesn't want a friend who is a nurse?)

It's been a life lesson. Ya, I don't need a man, but that doesn't mean that I don't need anyone.