I've found four different single-mom related blogs that are possibilities for my final paper. Although they all are centered around the same topic, they each have a unique style and focus.
http://www.singlemotherontheverge.blogspot.com/ Single Mom on the Verge - A single mother raising a teenage son facing the every day trials of life with a teenager. She has a very down to earth style, but her blog is riddled with humor.
http://pepperrific.com/ The Pepperific Life- Like me, this mother has young ones. Although I don't like the format of the blog (it's hard on the eyes), the author seems to struggle with a lot of the same issues that I do, while managing to look on the bright side.
http://thissinglemomsurvives.blogspot.com/ This is where I always go when I feel down and need a pick-me up. This woman has some serious femme-balls. She tells it like it is and holds no punches, and I bet she even hits like a boy. :)
http://twochicksandahen.blogspot.com/ Two Chicks and a Hen - A great site by a single mother of two toddlers. Instead of focusing on the deeper issues of single parenting she keeps it simple, giving advice to other moms on practical things like art projects and day to day savings. I find myself being very jealous of her creativity, and often go there on rainy days for some great ideas.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
To Prep or Not To Prep?
That is the question!
Okay, so I have to admit that I'm equally enthralled and disgusted by the new show Doomsday Preppers. If you haven't seen it, it's basically a documentary done about people who are preparing (prepping) for disasters. All of the individuals in the show have different opinions of how it will happen, but they all seem to believe that some major catastrophe will occur in their lifetime. To be ready for it, they are preparing everything from huge food stores to underground bunkers equipped with all the major moder amenities.
While my first instinct was to roll my eyes, a second thought occurred to me: I am a mom, and isn't it my job to be prepared for anything on behalf of my children? And since it's just me, as a single mom, shouldn't I be more prepared then most?
First, I promised I wouldn't let this whole 2012 doomsday prediction thing get to me. I did a lot of research, and was able to pretty much rule it out. If you still have doubts or concerns, check out these videos.
I was talking with my father about all of this, and he mentioned something else that's not part of the video. They Mayan calender does not include leap years. So, if you add up all the leap days that have passed since then, we're actually already beyond the date the Mayans predicted as the end of the world.
Okay, now here is where I get a little grim. Although I don't believe in the 2012 theory, or much of what is shown on Doomsday Preppers, watching the show and doing research has made me realize that I am woefully unprepared for an emergency. And, truthfully, one can happen any time. It might not be the end of the world, but the kids and I could get snowed in for a week, a hurricane could knock out the East Coast commerce system, etc.
So what is the answer? I'm currently working on building a food and water storage supply, enough for 3 months, for five people. (Kids, myself, and my parents.) I've purchased an emergency hand crank radio, and for my birthday I asked for useful items like a first aid kit and a Swiss army knife.
I may never need them, but at least I can go to sleep at night knowing that I am much better prepared for an emergency now, and pat myself on the shoulder for taking one more step in the direction of Super Mom.
Okay, so I have to admit that I'm equally enthralled and disgusted by the new show Doomsday Preppers. If you haven't seen it, it's basically a documentary done about people who are preparing (prepping) for disasters. All of the individuals in the show have different opinions of how it will happen, but they all seem to believe that some major catastrophe will occur in their lifetime. To be ready for it, they are preparing everything from huge food stores to underground bunkers equipped with all the major moder amenities.
While my first instinct was to roll my eyes, a second thought occurred to me: I am a mom, and isn't it my job to be prepared for anything on behalf of my children? And since it's just me, as a single mom, shouldn't I be more prepared then most?
First, I promised I wouldn't let this whole 2012 doomsday prediction thing get to me. I did a lot of research, and was able to pretty much rule it out. If you still have doubts or concerns, check out these videos.
I was talking with my father about all of this, and he mentioned something else that's not part of the video. They Mayan calender does not include leap years. So, if you add up all the leap days that have passed since then, we're actually already beyond the date the Mayans predicted as the end of the world.
Okay, now here is where I get a little grim. Although I don't believe in the 2012 theory, or much of what is shown on Doomsday Preppers, watching the show and doing research has made me realize that I am woefully unprepared for an emergency. And, truthfully, one can happen any time. It might not be the end of the world, but the kids and I could get snowed in for a week, a hurricane could knock out the East Coast commerce system, etc.
So what is the answer? I'm currently working on building a food and water storage supply, enough for 3 months, for five people. (Kids, myself, and my parents.) I've purchased an emergency hand crank radio, and for my birthday I asked for useful items like a first aid kit and a Swiss army knife.
I may never need them, but at least I can go to sleep at night knowing that I am much better prepared for an emergency now, and pat myself on the shoulder for taking one more step in the direction of Super Mom.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Is it easier being a single mother?
Recently Jessica Olien, author of a piece titled "I Want To Be My Child's Only Parent," was interviewed on NPR by host John Donovan. Her story caused quite a buzz when it ran in an issue of Slate magazine, because she takes the idea of single parenting to an extreme by stating that she wants to have a child without a man in the picture at all because she believes it will be easier.
She herself was raised by a single mother, who in turn was raised by her single mother. Given her role models, it's easy to see why she is uncomfortable with the idea of having a husband around.
Many of the women who call in to comment during the interview talk about how being a single mom, or in one case, a single child, actually gives them a greater sense of having an extended family. The reason for this is that the single mothers had to depend more on friends and family, and because of that they established closer bonds with those people which might have not developed had a husband been in the picture.
While I myself do not agree at all that it is easier to be a single mom- and I think that the dad should be in the picture if he is loyal and capable- I can see Olien's point of view. So many marriages end in messy divorces- wouldn't it just be easier to cut the man out of the picture and never have to worry about his influence on the child?
Food for thought.
She herself was raised by a single mother, who in turn was raised by her single mother. Given her role models, it's easy to see why she is uncomfortable with the idea of having a husband around.
Many of the women who call in to comment during the interview talk about how being a single mom, or in one case, a single child, actually gives them a greater sense of having an extended family. The reason for this is that the single mothers had to depend more on friends and family, and because of that they established closer bonds with those people which might have not developed had a husband been in the picture.
While I myself do not agree at all that it is easier to be a single mom- and I think that the dad should be in the picture if he is loyal and capable- I can see Olien's point of view. So many marriages end in messy divorces- wouldn't it just be easier to cut the man out of the picture and never have to worry about his influence on the child?
Food for thought.
Monday, March 12, 2012
You really can't go it alone.
When I first left my husband I took my kids and moved back in with my parents. My goodness, that was a mess, but we managed to get through it. Truth be told, I needed them in that transition period. For two years, I'd been a mother who did everything for my children- my ex worked 14 hours days and when he was home he disappeared into the basement to play on his computer.
I was exhausted, and I thought that was how life was supposed to be for all mothers. I thought that I was somehow supposed to magically do it all on my own.
Living with my parents for the first few months changed that view. With their support, I was finally able to get some sleep, enroll in college, and have just enough 'me' time to get out and meet some other women. Now- yes- their relationship with me was a very different dynamic then that of a marriage, but it made me realize that anyone who truly cared about my children would want to spend time with them; and it also made me realize that I couldn't go it alone.
When my parents moved, I stayed in their house and am now renting it. I found a wonderful lady who is a grandmother herself to rent a room on the lower floor of the home. Not only does it provide me with the ability to pay the mortgage, but she's also become very close to the children. I know that if I have a middle of the night emergency she will be there to watch the kids. I also worry less about security having another adult in the home.
In addition, I've been blessed with a wonderful support group of women from my church. They are all married, but they respect me as a single mother instead of putting me down for it. Most of them have children slightly older than mine, but that hasn't stopped them from arranging play dates with me, and they have always been there when I couldn't find help elsewhere.
Unfortunately, I'm not the type who makes friends easily. I'm outgoing and have no trouble talking to someone for the first time, but I always feel uncomfortable with following up.
This is once again a time where I had to just suck it up and step up. My children are little; and thus not yet in school. They need other kids to play with that are their age, and they are not going to just magically appear.
I decided that I needed to be bold, so every time I have a nice conversation with a mother at the park who has children in a similar age range I offer her my number. In a way, it sort of feels like dating. Since you can never be sure if a person really likes you, so it's easier to just give your number and wait for them to call.
Fortunately, a number of them have. I've been able to do numerous play dates, and while the kids are having fun, I'm establishing a relationship with a mother that will hopefully call on me in a trouble situation, and vice versa. (It helps that I'm a nursing student- what mom doesn't want a friend who is a nurse?)
It's been a life lesson. Ya, I don't need a man, but that doesn't mean that I don't need anyone.
I was exhausted, and I thought that was how life was supposed to be for all mothers. I thought that I was somehow supposed to magically do it all on my own.
Living with my parents for the first few months changed that view. With their support, I was finally able to get some sleep, enroll in college, and have just enough 'me' time to get out and meet some other women. Now- yes- their relationship with me was a very different dynamic then that of a marriage, but it made me realize that anyone who truly cared about my children would want to spend time with them; and it also made me realize that I couldn't go it alone.
When my parents moved, I stayed in their house and am now renting it. I found a wonderful lady who is a grandmother herself to rent a room on the lower floor of the home. Not only does it provide me with the ability to pay the mortgage, but she's also become very close to the children. I know that if I have a middle of the night emergency she will be there to watch the kids. I also worry less about security having another adult in the home.
In addition, I've been blessed with a wonderful support group of women from my church. They are all married, but they respect me as a single mother instead of putting me down for it. Most of them have children slightly older than mine, but that hasn't stopped them from arranging play dates with me, and they have always been there when I couldn't find help elsewhere.
Unfortunately, I'm not the type who makes friends easily. I'm outgoing and have no trouble talking to someone for the first time, but I always feel uncomfortable with following up.
This is once again a time where I had to just suck it up and step up. My children are little; and thus not yet in school. They need other kids to play with that are their age, and they are not going to just magically appear.
I decided that I needed to be bold, so every time I have a nice conversation with a mother at the park who has children in a similar age range I offer her my number. In a way, it sort of feels like dating. Since you can never be sure if a person really likes you, so it's easier to just give your number and wait for them to call.
Fortunately, a number of them have. I've been able to do numerous play dates, and while the kids are having fun, I'm establishing a relationship with a mother that will hopefully call on me in a trouble situation, and vice versa. (It helps that I'm a nursing student- what mom doesn't want a friend who is a nurse?)
It's been a life lesson. Ya, I don't need a man, but that doesn't mean that I don't need anyone.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Run! The Numbers are Attacking!
"Oh, well good for you."
This is the snide remark that I often hear from other women when I'm out at the park with my kids, and during idle conversation someone asks me what my husband does for a living. When I say I'm a single mother, or divorced, often the conversation will just teeter off to nothing.
It's sad, but alot of women have low opinions of other women trying to go it alone. I had a hard time understanding that, because truthfully we do double the work with half the resources. However, a quick read of works like Ann Coulter's "Guilty: Liberal "Victims" and their Assault on America" might give people an entirely different viewpoint on single-motherhood.
I'll say in advance that I do not agree with the author on many points, but here are some of the supporting statistics about children raised in single parent households listed in her book:
This is the snide remark that I often hear from other women when I'm out at the park with my kids, and during idle conversation someone asks me what my husband does for a living. When I say I'm a single mother, or divorced, often the conversation will just teeter off to nothing.
It's sad, but alot of women have low opinions of other women trying to go it alone. I had a hard time understanding that, because truthfully we do double the work with half the resources. However, a quick read of works like Ann Coulter's "Guilty: Liberal "Victims" and their Assault on America" might give people an entirely different viewpoint on single-motherhood.
I'll say in advance that I do not agree with the author on many points, but here are some of the supporting statistics about children raised in single parent households listed in her book:
-70 percent of inmates in state juvenile detention centers serving long-term sentences were raised by single mothers
-72 percent of juvenile murderers and 60 percent of rapists come from single-mother homes
-70 percent of teenage births, dropouts, suicides, runaways, juvenile delinquents, and child murderers involve children raised by single mothers
-Girls raised without fathers are more sexually promiscuous and more likely to end up divorced
-Account for 63 percent of all youth suicides
-Account for 70 percent of all teenage pregnancies
-Account for 71 percent of all adolescent chemical/substance abuse
-Account for 80 percent of all prison inmates
-Account for 90 percent of all homeless and runaway children
Everyone in Virginia who goes to court regarding custody of children is required to take a class on co-parenting, and many of these statistics are given in those courses to discourage couples from seperating.
Do I believe children should have two parents? Yes. Did I want my kids to only have me to count on? No. My situation was not pretty, and I did the right thing for my children, who have both been happier and healthier since my seperation.
Are there some single moms out there who just suck? I'm sure there are. But every single parent that I have met has shined- because when we realize that we are it for our kids, we step up bigtime.
But I have news for you, Ann Coulter. These kids are not failing because their mom (or in some cases their dad) is a bad parent, but because the court system has completely failed them. The simple fact is that a single parent will never be able to provide the income of two; so many of the children end up living in poverty or on less then they should.
What is the answer to that? Child support. Yeah, right.
Did you know that most states have not changed their child support guildlines since 1988? And I'd like to know, Mrs. Coulter, where a single mother, struggling to feed her children, is supposed to come up with tens of thousands of dollars to fight in court for child support owed to her.
I was a stay at home mother prior to my seperation. When I left, I realized that I could not support two small children on the salary I was capable of making. I enrolled in school for nursing to make sure that I would be able to provide for their futures, but in the mean time my family has spent more then 15,000 dollars and two years of time getting my children's dad to make his payments. I'm one lucky woman to have such a supportive family. Many do not.
So, a little news for you. It's not sucky parenting by single moms that is 'corrupting' our youth. It's red-tape, dead-beat dads, and big businesses unwilling to offer the type of flexibility and benefits that single parents need.
Maybe we should focus on that before blaming the moms. And as for your attack on ending a marriage, I'll bet that most of the single moms you talk to do not want to be single, and had a very good reason for taking on the challenge of sole-parenting. It's not exactly easy or glamourous. Lord knows I wouldn't have done it if I had not believed that it was the best thing for my kids.
Ann, you have used the statistics to meet your purposes, but their is a flaw in the way you present them. Why? Because people in bad home enviroments get divorced, instead of staying in the marriages. So, Mrs. Coulter, lets see you somehow do research on statistics of children raised in two-parent homes filled with hatred, violence, and mistrust, if they had stayed together instead of divorcing. I bet that those statistics would be much more frightening. Maybe I'd even buy that book. I'm sure that the royalties would go a long way towards getting you a second mansion.
Coulter, A. (2009) Guilty: Liberal "Victims" and Their Assault on America. New York: Crown Forum
Fail, Mommy.
One day this past week I decided to bake an Elmo-shaped cake for my kids. They had both been very well behaved the entire day, and had both made strides in their potty training. Elated, I unveiled my creation after dinner and set a big slice in front of each of them. I was sure that they would spend the following 10 minutes happily munching, so I grabbed a textbook, sat at the table with them, and got caught up in studying.
I was pulled from my study-daze by a chocolaty spitball landing on my cheek. Looking up, I realized that the kids had completely trashed the kitchen; they had smeared chocolate cake all over the table, walls, chairs, and of course, themselves.
Now, they know better then to make a mess in the kitchen. I scolded them, cleaned them up, made them wipe up the table, and them put them in the living room to play while I finished cleaning the mess.
While I did so, they managed to find a marker (probably from under the couch) and proceeded to color all over a $100 Mellisa and Doug wooden princess castle that I had bought for my daughter last summer. When I came out of the kitchen and realized what they had done I got really upset. I tried to make them clean off the marker, but it wouldn't come off. The castle had been destroyed. I sent them both to their beds right then and there.
Once they were in bed and I had calmed down, I took a moment to reflect on the situation and felt terrible. After all, it was my inattention that had allowed them to make a mess at the dinner table, and I had punished them for it. And again, while I was cleaning the kitchen I left them to their own devices, and when they destroyed the castle it was again my inattention that had allowed them to do it.
They should have known better, but so should I. And I'm the adult.
I was pulled from my study-daze by a chocolaty spitball landing on my cheek. Looking up, I realized that the kids had completely trashed the kitchen; they had smeared chocolate cake all over the table, walls, chairs, and of course, themselves.
Now, they know better then to make a mess in the kitchen. I scolded them, cleaned them up, made them wipe up the table, and them put them in the living room to play while I finished cleaning the mess.
While I did so, they managed to find a marker (probably from under the couch) and proceeded to color all over a $100 Mellisa and Doug wooden princess castle that I had bought for my daughter last summer. When I came out of the kitchen and realized what they had done I got really upset. I tried to make them clean off the marker, but it wouldn't come off. The castle had been destroyed. I sent them both to their beds right then and there.
Once they were in bed and I had calmed down, I took a moment to reflect on the situation and felt terrible. After all, it was my inattention that had allowed them to make a mess at the dinner table, and I had punished them for it. And again, while I was cleaning the kitchen I left them to their own devices, and when they destroyed the castle it was again my inattention that had allowed them to do it.
They should have known better, but so should I. And I'm the adult.
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