A trip any Mommy would love...

Next time Christmas or birthday's come around for your kids I have a great suggestion; ask your friends and family to give the kids things to DO instead of toys. That way when winter comes and you are couped up you have an instant solution.

This is the challenge I gave my parents last Christmas. I left it opened ended, and they surprised me by giving me and the kids a year-long membership to the National Aquarium! Normally a trip for a family of four (and I say four because it's almost impossible to walk the little ones through this on your own) is about $150. Thus, a year long family membership for under 200 is a real bargain. If you are a single mom you can add a non-related adult as your fourth.

Here are some things you need to know:

-There are two locations; one in D.C. and one in Baltimore. If you're willing to go the extra distance to Baltimore it will pay off, as that location has the dolphin shows and a 4-D immersion theater that D.C. does not.

-Having said the above, make sure you have your portable DVD player (another mom essential) charged up and ready to go for the car trip.

-Even if you have a membership, you are going to have some costs. Parking is a little over $20 and if you plan on seeing a 4-D show (which is totally worth it) expect another $5/per person. Expect to park a block or two away.

-If you plan to spend most of the day there you can purchase a locker for $2 where you can put diaper bags, coats, etc. I really recommend this.

-You cannot bring strollers. You can get a carry-pack that will work if your child is an infant, but it's too small for larger toddlers. Plan on your little one walking and incorporate enough time into your schedule to accommodate for a couple little breaks.

-There is an amazing gift shop with lots of 'shineys' that will draw your kid in. Plan this into your budget as well, or get the floor plan as you enter so that you can avoid this in advance. There is also a cafe, but it would be more economical to bring your own meal.

-The rest of the details, including current exhibits, hours and directions, can be found on the website: http://www.aqua.org/

For us, the trip was magical. We started out by watching a 4-D showing of Dora and Diego, which my son STILL talks about a month later. You get 3-D glasses and sit in a theater where wind blows, snow falls, and you even get splashed as you explore the earth.

After that, we made our way to the dolphin show where we wisely decided to sit outside of the splash zone. (The people who sat in it got SOAKED- so if you want to let your kids experience this bring an extra change of clothes.) Even through my kids are little they got a huge kick out of all the dolphin squeals and tricks.

We then spent almost four hours meandering through multiple levels of amazing, colorful exhibits. My kids liked the 'Jellyfish Invasion!' exhibit the best- they were fascinated by the undulating movements and various sizes and colors of the jellies. (Who knew they came in different colors?) Mommy's favorite part was the amazon level, which was quite warm and steamy, covered in foliage, and had tanks full of exotic reptiles, amphibians, and fish. There were even colorful birds flying overhead.

The kids were exhausted by the time we were done, so we had a small dinner at a little sandwich place across from the aquarium and then headed home (with a new stuffed Nemo in tow). Just one last warning- if you plan from going from Baltimore to the NOVA area on a weekday prepare for quite a bit of traffic, and don't forget to take the HOV.

Pounding on the Walls

Thank the lord spring is coming.

A friend of mine from Florida keeps telling me how disappointed she is that we didn't get a lot of snow this winter, and I tell her she is crazy. After surviving 'Snowmageedon' a few years ago, I'm not itching to repeat the experience. Nor am I interested in being couped up in the house for weeks on end now that my kids are rambunctious toddlers.

Even so, the cold has had us pounding on the walls. It gets very boring being cramped inside day after day. Yeah, the little ones can manage a short walk where they are so bundled that they look like little zombies as they trot along, but it's not the same as 'going out to play'.

I've found a couple solutions to the 'walled-in' madness spreading through my house. Kids n' Motion is a local indoor playground stocked full of moon bounces, wooden castles and trains, slides, and even a little soft-block playroom for toddlers. The cost is a little painful- $6 per child- and that gets you a 1 1/2 hour session (with other kids) where you start in one room and move to the next halfway through. The upsides- the kids expend a bunch of energy and get a chance to interact with others their age. The downside- the cost, and of course, where there are kids, there are germs- and it never fails that one of mine catches something after we go.

If you can resist the pull of a giant pizza and wings, Chuck e Cheese is a somewhat affordable place to spend a morning. Notice I said morning. I never recommend that a parent with toddlers go in the afternoon- the place will be packed with older kids and your little one will often get shoved to the side. I usually spend about $10 on tokens and $2 on a treat like ice cream for the kids. This makes the cost about equal to Kids n' Motion, but you can spend quite a while there. The one in Woodbridge has an area for babies and toddlers, and an area for older kids, but mine like both. There are plenty of rides, games, and slides. My son likes to sit and do the racing games, while my daughter likes the life-sized racehorse game. It's so cute to see her sitting in the saddle. Oh, and don't forget to subscribe to their mailing list. You get free tokens on your child's birthday and half-birthday, and they often have great deals.

What's the cheapest indoor option? McDonald's playplace. Locally, there is one in Lakeridge off Old Bridge Road. It's free to go, but I always feel guilty so I buy cookies or something for the kids or a coffee for myself while they play. You wouldn't think that a big tunnel/slide would keep the little ones entertained for long, but I've spent more then four hours there some days. It really depends on if there are other children there or not.

On the days when it's pouring rain or Mommy is just too exhausted to pack everyone into the car, I resort to one of the greatest gifts ever given to me: the mini-moonbounce. It's a great thing to request for your children's birthday or Christmas gift. At a cost of about $200, it is an investment, but you can start using it as soon as your little one is strong sitter/crawler and it goes up to about 75 pounds. It fits easily in a playroom (mine is about 12x14) and inflates quickly with it's own air pump.

Last on my list is the best: The Baltimore Aquarium. There's so much to say about it however that I'm going to save it for another post.

Let me down easy....

Okay, so no offense...but I am totally let down.

I expected that in my search for amazing single mom blogs to analyze I'd have no trouble at all. After all, there are tons of us out there, and I'm sure that alot of us have smart and entertaining things to say, right?

Buzz. Wrong.

I'm tired of reading about the dating life of single moms in blogs that are supposed to be about parenthood. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for you that your libido is surging and you've found new found freedom, but isn't being a single mom supposed to be about the kids first? And doesn't putting the kids first mean not leaving them with a babysitter five times a week so you can practice all the new found tips your gossipy girlfriends are sharing with you?

Okay, I'm taking a deep breath.

There are some really rocking single moms out there, and some of them have instantly drawn me in. One night when I was particularly down in the dumps I came across Single Mom Survives; a blog kept by a 30-something single mom in Chicago. I was instantly drawn in by her harsh but super-real descriptions of her past relationship and her current struggle- and suddenly I felt like I wasn't alone in dealing with all the drama. She's been through the blender but still makes it through every day by remembering who she is and focusing on the needs of her daughter and empowers her readers along the way.

Girl, I have no idea who you really are, and you have no clue who I am, but I'm now a follower for life.

God, are you Kidding Me?

Dearest God,

Here comes the bitterness. If you weren't immortal, I'd suggest that you duck.

Yeah okay. I know they say You (God) only give us what we can handle, but I have a complaint. I think you've confused me with a neurophysicist who has won 5 Olympic medals.

Seriously? No more please. Check your list twice and please realize that I'm only human, and despite the title of my blog there is nothing 'super' about this mom.

I did the right thing for my kids and left a dangerous situation. I was afraid of becoming a single mom, but I did it. I struggled through almost 2 years without support and alimony because every time my case came up the ex would fire his lawyer, hire a new one, and get an extension for the new counsel to become familiar with the case. Now, FINALLY, I had my day in court. The judge was fair, and ordered him to pay a specific amount on specific dates.

But, dearest God, did he do it? Nope. Of course not. Now I'm back to square one, and faced with either continuing to borrow, beg, and plead to put food on the table for my children, or to file charges and put my ex in jail, which might mean the loss of his job, which will probably mean complete loss of future support.

Again, seriously?

Ohhh...and to top it off,  he goes and gets demoted at work and his schedule changed. Since I built my college schedule around him having visitation on a weekday, he now is not showing up, and I'm having to miss classes because he decided to misbehave in the workplace. Lord Almighty, please convince him force him to wake up and realize that refusing to pay support while lavishing his new girlfriend with a half-million dollar home, vacations, and fancy TVs while his children are on food stamps is ridiculous.

Dearest God, I don't want to whine- but enough is enough. Please have some pity on me.

Oh, and please forgive me for wishing the terrible wish that when he does end up in jail, the big guy named Bubba thinks he's pretty. Like I said, I'm only human.

Amen.

Adorable Video

I came across this video while surfing the web. It's so cute, and I love the fact that the daddy found a way to share his hobby with his baby.

Discipline: Turn Time out to Cuddle Time

Another single mother blogger recently made a post about how hard it was on her to discipline her son. Now, all parents have to discipline of course, but for a single parent it can provide a special challenge- you sometimes feel like you are always the bad guy! There's no one else to share the role, so it all falls on you and it feels terribly unfair.

However, there are some great ways to turn discipline into a positive. I think the best way for me to explain is to give an example, using my son, who I'm going to call Little Man. (LM)

LM hits his sister because he wants the toy she has.

Mom: Time out, LM. Three minutes. Get up on the couch.
Time-outs should always be one minute per year of age of the child. Make sure the TV is off and the child does not bring a toy with them to time out.

LM: No!
Mom: If you don't want to do time out for three minutes you can go to your room for five minutes. Which do you want to do?
LM: Time out.
Mom: Good choice.
If the child refuses time out, give them a less appealing option to choose from. This makes the child feel like they have a voice in the matter and will usually stop any resistance.

LM gets in time out.
Mom: Now, tell me why you are in time out?
LM: I hit sissy.
Always make the child state why he is in time out. Never punish a child without him knowing why. Making the child say what he did wrong makes him accountable for his actions.

Mom: Why did you hit your sissy?
LM: I want that toy. It's my toy.
Mom: Was hitting your sister the right thing to do?
LM: No.
Mom: What should you have done instead?
LM: (shrug)
Mom: Think about it. If she has something you want, what do you do instead of hitting her.
LM: Share?
Mom: Right. You should have asked her if you could have a turn. Okay?
LM: Okay.
Mom: So next time she has something you want to play with, what are you going to do?
LM: Ask to take turns.
Mom: Right! Good job. And you never EVER do what..
LM: Never hit.
Mom: Hitting is bad. Good job. You have two minutes left in time out.
The most important part of discipline is making the child not only understand that what they did was wrong, but making sure that they understand what the right thing to do should have been. If you put a child in time out for hitting but don't tell them what the right action should have been, they are not developing the skills to solve the problem in the future. Also, make your child struggle to come up with the correct answer. The process of a 'thought struggle' will fire off neurons in their little brain, and coming to the solution on their own will form new synapses from the process of learning. Also, always rephrase two or more times what the bad solution was and what the good solution was. Always use positive exclamations when the child gets the answer right.

Two minutes pass.
Mom: Okay LM, time out is over. Go over to sissy and give her a hug and tell her that you are sorry. It hurt her when you hit her. Then ask her to share the toy.
LM complies and gives his sister a hug and says he is sorry.
Mom: You did a really good job in time out! I'm so proud of you.
Again, make the child accountable for his actions by way of an apology and an act of empathy. With alot of children, empathy is a skill that needs to be taught. Turn the whole negative experience into a positive by praising the child for handling the time out so well.

After this whole process, my son will often come over, give me a hug, and tell me thank you. I think it's hilarious because I just punished him, but it lets me know that I'm doing the right thing. By the time it's over, he thanks me for having taught him the right thing to do, and I don't hate myself for doing it.

Seperation Anxiety: for Mom.

Even 'supermoms' need to realize that it's okay to occasionally reach for that box of tissues.

There are literally hundreds of articles out there for parents to peruse concerning separation anxiety for children- but there's almost no literature dealing with separation anxiety for moms in a visitation situation.

Here is where I will admit that my relationship with my ex is not a good one. The last two years have involved me getting protective orders for myself and the children, lengthy court battles, and STILL a lack of child support. However, as I've heard numerous times..'A guy can be the worst husband in the world, but still be a good dad.' Because of this statement, my ex still receives visitation with the children. No, I don't believe he is a good father in the least, and I worry every moment they are gone.

I have to sit back though and realize there is a value to the visitation. If, God forbid, I were to pass away in a car accident tomorrow I would not want my children going to live with someone that they barely know, or even hate. The fundamental fact is even though he has been completely lousy in their care or his concern for them, he is one more person in this world who loves them, and they don't deserve to have that taken away. I can only hope and pray that he changes his lifestyle and will one day become the father they deserve.

In the meantime, I struggle through occasional days where the house is empty. It feels like my heart is empty as well, and I often find myself moping through the day, fighting back tears and the urge to check on them every hour.

The best solution, I have found, is getting very involved in something. Set yourself a goal for your time without the kids. WRITE IT DOWN so you can see it- if it's visual it will have more impact- and crossing it off when you are done will provide a sense of accomplishment. Try to picture visitation as 'free babysitting' that allows you to catch up on housework, homework, and that all important sense-of-self. Remember that you are not just mom- but also a person, and try to keep in touch with friends or plan activities that you enjoy. Go for a walk, watch some movies, eat some ice cream, and don't be afraid to cry a little bit- but remember you are a warrior for fighting your fight, and give yourself kudos for getting to the end of the day.